A Letter for the New Rain System

Dear system! How are you? Honestly, I had never written a letter to a rain system before, and therefore I didn't know whether to address you as sir or madam, but then I suddenly realized that since your name is 'system', you must be a lady. I would like to express my heartfelt wish that you are not like the previous system that caused devastation across our country. For your information, the previous system entered our country from the latitude and longitude and had such a devotion to all corners of the country that its traces are still wet. Look, dear! In our country, there are several governments that are even worse than the previous system. From the government with guns to the government without guns, collectively they don't even amount to a handful. When a rain system comes to us, they twist in excitement to serve, so much so that the victims of the system must abandon their misfortunes and separate them. One takes a shovel in hand and goes to dig for the truth with a general's rank, another wades into the water to empathize with the victims, while the rest just circle around to take selfies with the ruins and mud of the flood, flooding social media with their sacrifices. Dear system! I suspect you are somewhat of a celebrity with all your qualities. Be aware that in our country, every profile and account has a celebrity promoting extensions, creams, larger boxes, and cheesecakes. In times of crisis, they develop a sense of altruism and announce several account numbers, IBANs, and cards, asking compatriots to help the flood victims on your behalf. The simple people help, and the dear celebrity becomes a deputy to take selfies with the children of ruined homes and the flood-affected men and women. After each selfie, they present a packet of fruit, a handful of seeds, and a box of Danish pastries to the families of the flood victims so that in the midst of the crisis, they can munch on seeds and be sweetened, keeping their spirits up. Dear sister! Lady of music and flowers! Oh great one! Your eye color is honey (what does the taste of your lips matter to us!). Your gentle rains make me feel ashamed! Please don’t! Don’t rain! If you do, rain less, for God's sake! Let the depressions from the previous system heal first! We are a nation that cultivates systems! A system entered our country in '57, and instead of raining itself, it has made us rain. Be a lady and find a way to get along with us; I promise on your dear life that we will compensate you. On behalf of the proud nation of Iran, I promise that if you take care of us, we will go together to Darband, and we will treat you to tea and hookah. We will mix mint with two apples, and I will even have the kids make you circular smoke rings to show you that art is only among Iranians! I hope that in this brief message, I have been able to represent the noble people of Iran and convince you, dear system, to either not rain or rain less and instead grow more. I wish you well. By the way, I don't know why I feel like you're not very happy that your last name is 'rainy'. No worries, lady! Walk with us; I have acquaintances in the civil registry. We will change 'rainy system' to 'Iranian system'. How does that sound? You can shine on social media as the Iranian system, and no one will suspect you. I adore you. Don’t order again. Kisses to you! Your greatness. In this context, unpublished excerpts from Ayatollah Khomeini's will, Rafsanjani's notes in purgatory; the dimensions of Imam's tears; how various groups reacted to Raisi's presidency; tomorrow's station with Farshid Manafi; paradox with Kambez Hosseini; and jurisprudence with Jalal Saidi.