Iranian Society and the Taboo of Virginity

Is preserving virginity a value for women? Does the norm that considers 'untouchedness', lack of sexual experience before marriage, and being a virgin still hold value in Iran? Where does such a value come from, and what issues does it stem from? Asieh Amini, a women's rights activist, and Sara Naserzadeh, a sexual therapist, have discussed this taboo this week. Ms. Amini, let's start the discussion with you. Some doubt that virginity remains a social taboo, believing that its taboo aspect has somewhat diminished in Iranian society. Do you think so? Asieh Amini: When we talk about this issue, we need to consider what geographical area or social phenomenon we are referring to. In my opinion, we have not conducted comprehensive research on this topic in the past, nor do we currently have it. Most of us talk about our experiences, which are more related to urban living, but if we consider the geography of Iran, the attitudes towards this issue are very different and diverse. I do not believe that today the issue of virginity in Iran is something that people have reconciled with or at least do not view it as a taboo. However, I prefer to look beyond Iranian society to understand the roots of this taboo. Virginity is not exclusive to us or Iranian society; it is a social phenomenon that has developed throughout history and has been prevalent in many societies. Even today, in some countries, the effects of this phenomenon can be observed. If we look back at the literature of the 18th and 19th centuries, a significant portion of the literature produced in Western countries has addressed this social phenomenon. Therefore, this taboo can be seen as an index and manifestation of a social value and a social norm that results from a patriarchal view of women's bodily ownership and the pleasure derived from women's bodies as a domain of male ownership. Ms. Naserzadeh, as a sexual therapist, how do you view the social aspect and taboo of virginity? Sara Naserzadeh: I invite ourselves and the listeners to distinguish between virginity, which is a social concept and has even become a legal and political issue today, and the hymen, which is a physiological discussion; we are talking about a part of the body. There has been much education about the hymen, and many now understand that a woman, for example, at the age of 25-30, may no longer have the hymen in the physiological sense. This issue may not exist in some women, and for some, due to age or physical activities like cycling, horseback riding, gymnastics, or ballet, it can lead to a situation where, as time passes, there may be no hymen left. Therefore, separate the physiological discussion from the issue. But when we come to the discussion of virginity, it is as if we reach a bridge that we have not completely crossed and say we have reached the other side of the bridge. We are currently testing and experimenting with the meaning of being untouched. For example, in Scandinavian countries, if you were born and raised there, you can definitely say that there is no taboo, premarital relationships are okay, and people have reconciled with this issue. However, I cannot say with certainty that this is the case anywhere else in the world. In America, there was news about a 20-year-old woman in Seattle who lost her home in a fire and, out of love for her parents and having heard that virginity should be lost in a romantic relationship, auctioned off her hymen at the highest price to possibly raise money to rebuild her parents' home. This shows that even in a country like America, which is known for people experiencing things for the first time, such issues exist. And how widespread it is globally. A point of interest you mentioned is that only in Scandinavian countries has virginity lost its taboo form. Interestingly, Ms. Amini, who is a guest on our program, lives in one of these countries and can talk about it, but my question is why is the possession or lack of virginity judged to this extent? You know that while some people do not know how to deal with losing virginity before marriage, others consider maintaining virginity as a sign of backwardness and ignorance in women. This body, emotions, and sexual urges are constantly being judged. Why? Amini: Essentially, when we talk about these social phenomena that have sexual attractions, we are discussing experiences that have been documented or undocumented under a male-dominated history and passed down to future generations. Essentially, sexual pleasure has been considered a male domain until our contemporary generation, an imbalanced issue in terms of gender. On one side, you are encouraged, and this issue is seen as a source of pride, a source of dignity that you emerge from a sexual relationship with power - because it is precisely about power - and on the other side, you feel frustrated, isolated, and marginalized if you are the one who loses or is considered a loser in this relationship. You see, this win-lose relationship is precisely a power relationship. This sexual attraction and male power have shaped the feminine reduction. Therefore, if today we are still inheritors of this culture, these norms, and these values, we are actually dealing with norms that have been passed down from previous generations. You mentioned Scandinavian countries. I live in a Scandinavian country, and when I read the literary history of this country, I am surprised at how harshly society reacts to individuals who are pioneers of social transformations and equality movements, whether in gender issues or others. We see that in their time, although they were pioneers in the world, they faced significant problems and the same taboos we are discussing today, and they struggled to reach a point where we think these are pristine countries where this is part of their culture. No! They have fought for a century to change these values. Let's return to our own society, to our intellectuals and writers. What percentage of our intellectuals and pioneers have written in the realm of change in these areas or produced thought? If we want to compare our present, we must also consider these valuations and efforts to change values. Of course, when we talk about taboos, the biological aspect of the issue is evident, and we examine it in the cultural and social domain. But with the explanation provided, if valuations are made, one reason is the inheritance we have not changed, meaning we have passed down traditional and backward values to the next generation in the same form, and the second is the significant silence of our social pioneers who have never entered these social domains. Ms. Naserzadeh, you mentioned the loss of the hymen from a physiological perspective, or what we are discussing under the title of social taboos. Perhaps here I should ask you what consequences or effects does losing virginity have for women? Naserzadeh: Losing the hymen means that in any way, whether the person has used a tampon or something has entered the vagina or has engaged in sexual intercourse. When you talk about having virginity or losing virginity, does this have consequences or not? If you intertwine this issue with sexual relations, losing the hymen or that layer or tissue that exists for some women has no physical consequences, meaning it is something that, from an evolutionary perspective, the hymen has no role, and that is why some have it and some do not. However, what we are discussing in this program is that we are examining its social and legal aspects. If you consider inside Iran, socially this taboo still exists, and I believe that the person who wants to engage in this relationship and chooses not to be a virgin must be aware of the social and legal consequences and proceed with acceptance. I have a problem with that part because I see individuals who even in America - not necessarily Iranian, from Indian and Jewish families - come to the hospital and request that their hymen be sewn back, and this creates other medical issues for the individual. Aside from the mental issues, the fear they have, the anxiety they experience. If they cannot cope with the consequences and have not reached peace with themselves, then they get stuck, and I have an issue with that. I say that psychologically and emotionally, they may suffer. If a person is told that they must preserve their virginity, later they may suffer significantly psychologically. In countries where virginity is very important, like Iran, India, and Turkey, the highest divorce rates are due to the inability to engage in sexual relations because these women have been told since childhood that their entire value lies in their hymen. Some individuals feel intense guilt because they have grown up with the belief that this is their point of value that has been lost. They cannot cope with this loss, which feels like losing something very valuable to them, and this is an emotional issue. When it comes to the law, the issue becomes much more complicated. It has happened many times that couples come in, and the man suspects that the woman has had sexual relations before - whether she has or has not - just because the individual has shown interest in sexual relations or enjoyed it. When you live in a group, whether inside Iran or outside Iran, when it spreads that this girl has gone out with someone, that family honor may flare up, and the idea that you are a shame to the family because you have had a relationship with someone else and are not a virgin - these are some things that exist in our culture, and we cannot close our eyes to them. Yes, we cannot close our eyes to them. The consequences that Ms. Naserzadeh enumerated for losing virginity range from psychological issues to feelings of guilt, male family members' honor, and the husband's shock after marriage. They believe that a woman who wants to have sexual relations outside of marriage must be prepared for these consequences. Ms. Amini, what is your response? Amini: I found Ms. Naserzadeh's position interesting. She looks at the issue from an angle that a social event has occurred, and we are facing its consequences; they are trying to prevent or resolve this problem after the event. I want to reverse this perspective like a film. Let's go back to the teenage years of a girl who naturally desires to fall in love. Part of the process of love involves having sexual relations, and the social norms and moral values of society dictate to her that she has no right to turn this romantic relationship into a physical one. Therefore, she may have to refrain from a relationship that her nature demands for years and years - now if she adheres to these social and moral values. Thus, for years we are faced with individuals, with a female society that has censored itself, its body, and its desires. Now, the consequences of these years of abstinence, which we call moral values, or as Ms. Naserzadeh calls it, part of our culture - does it not have other consequences for the individual and society? This is a question for me because, in fact, this has been omitted from society for years; this has been unasked for years. So what is the right of a teenage girl to be able to fulfill her nature and desires - not any desire, the desire to have an emotional and even non-emotional relationship - and to fulfill a physical and sexual need? If she wants to respond to that, she faces thousands of social and cultural norms that we have accepted and received as a package and do not see as changeable, and she faces the question that in the future, you must be accountable to a spouse. In the future, you must be accountable to a family norm. Therefore, I think this view of one side of the problem and ignoring a part of the issues can also create the same questions that Ms. Naserzadeh referred to today from another aspect for the individual and society.