Mahdi Come, Mahdi Come, Iran Should Not Become Venezuela

Today, when I entered, the leader was pacing in the room and saying, 'Mahdi come, Mahdi come, Iran should not become Venezuela.' I understood he was joking because the leader does not often engage with the Mahdi. I once asked him about it, and he said it depends on people's beliefs and how superstitious they are... Look, the things Ahmadinejad says today about his connection with the Mahdi and divine assistance were also said by Mohammad Reza fifty or sixty years ago. Now, this guy was a street thug from the Islam-ridden alleys of Garmsar, while that one was a prince educated in Switzerland... I don't think the Mahdi has shown kindness to either of them since neither has ever thrown a letter into the Jamkaran well. Does the Mahdi lack sense to have hidden connections with them? I asked the leader about the situation in Venezuela. He said, 'Apparently, the camel has seen cotton seeds in its sleep, and in waking, its dream has been interpreted; Trump has brought him cotton seeds. Now, if Maduro can catch this boy, they should beat him like they did with Ismail Bakhshi, and the matter will end well with a jurisprudential solution.' I asked, 'Should I write in my memoirs whether the baton is with or without a handle?' He replied, 'Without a handle is correct, but with a handle is more practical.' I said, 'Excuse me, do you mean the Bakhshi issue has ended well?' The leader looked at me with a baton-like gaze... Oh... I was wrong, oh... Bakhshi was not wrong, but I... oh... the hair of the Imam in the Quran. He asked, 'Do you know what day it is today?' I replied no. He said, 'It is the beginning of a week when forty years ago, the nation saw the leader's picture in the moon. Then it was rumored that if they opened the Quran, they would find a hair of the Imam between the pages of Surah Al-Baqarah?' - Was it? - 'Of course it was, very much so. Even one of the Tudeh members found a wig in Surah Al-Baqarah! Coincidentally, he was bald. He still sometimes puts it on his head.' Today, the leader was satisfied with the national team's loss against Japan. He said the kids should go out in the streets and dance and chant. Angrily: 'A football player who leaves the ball in the middle of the game to complain to the referee, this is how it ends. I have told them a thousand times that when the opponent falls, be careful he does not get up and run after the ball; you stay back. I warned them that he might take advantage of your absence and score a goal, but they did not listen to me. I had reminded the officials several times.' Today, when I entered, the leader was talking on the phone about Britain's exit from the European Union. I was very curious to know who he was talking to. He said, 'Tell them with this Brexit, you messed up everything about Brexit... No, if that Teresa had executed a few people at the beginning... It doesn't matter who... for example, that Jeremy Corbyn or that Nigel, the king of Brexit... or from her own party. In short, it wouldn't have come to this... Huh? ... No, really... Honestly, if I were in the Queen's place, I would have put this girl under house arrest... Of course, I have never put anyone under house arrest; I don't know how it is... Okay, send my message... Before he hung up, the leader said to the person, 'Look, don't tell Zarif that we spoke. Let Velayati not find out. Let it stay between us.' When he was hanging up, he gave me a sharp authoritative look that made me realize my place. But I didn't understand who it was. I told the leader about the birthday celebration for Jahangiri. He was aware. I said there was an objection that they held a ceremony for him, and he blew out candles and cut a cake. He said these silly acts were started by Khatami. It doesn't matter, of course, but when they make it media... Then he said: Mr. Jannati's son had also asked him to hold a celebration for him. He asked me how many candles to put on the cake so that it wouldn't be less, I said nothing. This poor guy will fall after blowing out the first candle. Then he said: It was good that the press criticized Jahangiri for why he held a celebration, why he had a cake. These things are good. These things are good for democracy. They are useful for press freedom. The more they write about cake and chocolate and sugar and candy, the better. I said, speaking of cake, I saw a clip where a cleric said that Imam Ali cuts a melon that is bitter. He says this melon has become bitter because it did not accept my leadership. I laughed a lot. The leader asked: Did that cleric laugh, or did the Imam laugh, or did you laugh? I replied, 'Sir, I laughed.' He said, 'You were wrong to laugh! Laugh on water. What is there to laugh about in the words of Imam Ali? These truths must be published so that people know. People must know that if they do not accept leadership, even if they are melons, God will not forgive them... You laughed for no reason. We did not give money and cameras and facilities to these clerics for you to laugh. Go watch that clip again but do not laugh. He said the issue of the sons-in-law is still ongoing. Tell these government officials that when someone comes to propose to their daughter, in addition to the inquiries and local investigations they do, they should also give a clue to our intelligence agents that if a suitable job in government agencies is not possible for him, temporarily cancel the proposal. It is not right that forty years after this glorious revolution, we should be ashamed of the sons-in-law. Then, with his usual humor, he said: Unless the son-in-law hastily filled out the employment questionnaire out of desperation!