The Leader Was Invited for 'Clarification'!

We begin by remembering a great artist. I say great not only because of his success in Iran, but especially because he left a new style in Iranian theatrical satire with his innovations. Whether seated or standing, in front of a fixed camera, he blended his sweet humor with finger movements and facial expressions, keeping the viewer glued to the computer screen until the last moment. The computer was his main medium. He owed his fame to none of the state or private media and maintained his independence with 'individual engagement' on 'YouTube', embedding himself so sincerely in the hearts of various social classes that the news of his passing resonated like a cannon. It is not only after his departure that I praise him; I have often mentioned his genius on Facebook and praised him. Our last phone call was about a month ago. He was depressed, bitter, and tired, but he promised to get moving and take action. Alireza Rezaei wrote to me in an email: '... I am very devoted. I have a flawed body (crying sound), I have a little reputation (crying sound), with a YouTube channel. I have put everything on the line for this revolution. I am your servant.' Young Alireza may have had a flawed body, but his reputation was not small. With his steadfastness, his freedom, his independence-seeking, and his innovative 'clarification', he was and is the pride of the anti-superstition, anti-compromise, and popular satire of our era. Memories of Vahid al-Azma, the Leader's Standard Bearer - 4 In the name of God - That week, the Justice-Seeking Student Association of Tehran University had invited the Leader to attend the university and clarify the performance of the Islamic Republic over the past 40 years. Did you get that? They set the deadline from December 11 to 21. During those days, I did not go near the house because I had heard that the Leader was very angry and kept walking around the room saying 'idiot, idiot'. (Idiot in Russian means fool. It means the same in English.) Later, I heard that his anger had subsided and he had turned to jokes and humor*! So, I went to see him. When I entered, he said: 'Come, come, I have been summoned. I have to go explain to the students about the past forty years. I have to go on one of the working days between December 11 and 21, - the time has not been specified - with two 6x4 photos in hand to introduce myself!' He laughed and then said: 'I was lucky they didn’t ask for a clean record from me, otherwise I would have been in trouble. Where was my clean record? Now, forget about the leadership, I was the president of this country for several years. ... By the way, Vahid, what if they don’t let me return? You stay alert, if I’m an hour late, notify the police stations. Here the Leader got a bit upset and said: 'Those bastards .... At first, I thought they had invited me to unveil a statue of myself! ... Ha ha ha. Then they ask why you get angry? Why do you smoke in secret? ...... By the way, Vahid, if the revolution hadn’t happened, I would have put Hossein Alizadeh with his setar in my pocket ... Shour, Homayoun, Rast Panjgah, Mokhālef Sehgāh, Chahar Mardrab Yahqi! The Leader was getting angry again. I said, first of all, please order, the assembly and the justice-seeking students and their university will be in the air in an hour. Secondly, their main goal is to question the officials of the institutions. He said no, they want the missing towers from me in the middle of it. I think I should take two towers with me. Then there must be an infiltrator among them who suddenly asks if their self-directed agents have the right to strike if their wages are delayed or not? ...... By the way, tell them to prepare two trucks filled with gold bars and dollars in the university parking lot. The drivers should have their passports in their pockets, behind the wheel listening to the radio. As soon as they hear a student mention the truck of gold and dollars, they should honk and enter the area with their lights on to reduce the number of them. This itself is the best denial that we haven’t sent the trucks anywhere. Then tell one of them to go straight to Syria, one to Yemen, and one to the Leader's house. I said you mentioned two trucks, he said make it three. Here the Leader got angry again and said: 'They have gone too far. They were supposed to be loyal, scholarly, defenders of the system and the line of Imam. They were not even born when we were executing thousands of students in the summer of 67, otherwise, they would have been blooming tulips from their own blood with the voice of Aref Qazvini. Then again, their humor thickened: 'Now Vahid, I don’t know if I should walk to the university or take a taxi. I’m afraid if I arrive late, I will be questioned for being late; we have no luck. We raised these people to stop 'them', not for them to become 'them' themselves. Then he said: 'You take a bit of Q&A and arrange it, write above it that they came to present their questions to the Supreme Leader, and the Supreme Leader wrote the answers below and threw them back to them, give it to the news agencies. He added: 'They don’t see what people do for the Leader. I saw a photo of a girl who had written on her palm 'My life is for the Leader'. It wasn’t even photoshopped. It was on her palm. 'His Eminence' wasn’t even written on her thumb! The Leader was getting furious, it was time for me to change the subject. I knew the Leader didn’t want to hear about the striking workers of Haft Tappeh. They wouldn’t even bring it up, but to change the subject, I gave him some good news from Haft Tappeh: 'Sir, the Haft Tappeh workers have received some of their wages.' The Leader frowned and indifferently asked, 'How many Tappehs?' I said nothing, sir, (changing the subject) regarding Mr. Jahangiri, they say he played favoritism in the petrochemical industry for his nephew. He said, 'His sister must have asked. She must have said, 'Brother, help this kid of ours.' After all, she is a sister. You are unaware of the status of a sister in Islam. You are unaware of Hazrat Zainab (peace be upon her)? When the thugs of the Shah were stabbing Hossein Fatemi, his sister threw herself on him as a shield. Now he has given a 30 billion loan to his nephew (I didn’t know this news) or given him a significant position. What’s wrong with that? He didn’t give it to Netanyahu’s nephew. Well, an uncle should take care of his nephew, not like my uncle who instead of encouraging his nephew, wrote a letter asking why he is being oppressive and why he is under house arrest and why corruption is the pain and calamity that every Jahangiri suffers will hit every Mirdamadi. I have no luck with my relatives, Vahid. That’s also from my brother-in-law who took my sister to Baghdad, from there he started loudly criticizing me. After that, I don’t know what happened, he died or fell into a pool. The Leader sighed and said: 'This Mir Hossein was also our relative, my father’s cousin or mine or my uncle’s grandson, I don’t know. His last name is Mousavi Khamenei, but he doesn’t have blessings and such things. Many relatives came to mediate, just the day before yesterday, I said he should stay and become a person. Cautiously, I asked: 'Sir, is there hope for lifting the house arrest?' He said: 'I have no news at all. This is decided by the Supreme National Security Council, they don’t even ask me. One time you might see me sitting here unaware when Karroubi opens the door and says hello! I asked: 'Will you accept him?' He said: 'Do you see that closet in front? I will jump into that closet in the blink of an eye and call General Soleimani from there! (-Sir, are you serious? - So why did they pull the phone cable into the closet with the wireless and lock it from the inside?)* Unfortunately, for some time now, the common people have interpreted every absurd and ridiculous thing as 'satire'. ***Poem of the week: In relation to ...... In relation to the mourning ceremonies that took place My dear Iran and you became Karbala In relation to the great celebration you held From the February of that year, the homeland drowned in mourning In relation to the era of progress and civilization The backward cleric became our guide In relation to the parliament, Sheikh Abolpashm became the representative of the council and the senate In relation to the topic of poetry and literature The model, the ghazal of the lip mole of the spirit of God In relation to the command of the Muslim to enjoin good Every sin and immorality that occurred, was under the cloak In relation to the problem of increasing illness Both the shortage of doctors and the shortage of medicine occurred In relation to the scientific method of purification A special faculty for the etiquette of the toilet was established In relation to solving the housing problem Another palace was built for such and such Sheikh In relation to women's rights and the status of women With the command of the guardian, 'a one-fourth temporary marriage' was allowed In relation to the national movement and Mossadegh The Sheikh came and his plan was a copy of the CIA's plan In relation to the usual way of writing All speeches began with 'in relation to' In relation to the bad luck of the Iranian nation Everything he built for himself became ruined! In relation to the previous line and its ruin Since there was little patience, it was left as is! Hadi Kharsandi Hadi Kharsandi is a prominent Iranian writer, poet, and satirist residing in London. For years, his writings have been familiar to Iranian and Persian-speaking audiences, and he has shared satirical writings in the form of weekly letters with Radio Farda audiences. Membership in this regard He said: 'May the father of the revolution burn!' Letter to the Deputy, no lies! I am Iranian and a conqueror and a dog of the marmoset! Letter to the sisters of martyrs! Tomorrow's station with Farshid Manafi Paradox with Kambiz Hosseini Tohid al-Masael with Jalal Saidi.