What Time Is It in the Post-Instagram World?

Considering that the head of the Cyber Space Deputy of the Attorney General has stated, "We have a judicial order to filter Instagram, and the majority opinion of the Supreme Council of Cyber Space and other decision-makers is also in favor of filtering this service," we want to examine what consequences will befall various groups of Iranian users of this application if, God forbid, this happens and Instagram is filtered. Despair for the Beautiful Ones According to unpublished statistics from the 'Amar' center in Iran, 99% of Iranians residing on Instagram, even if they are as ugly as the author of these lines, when they step into the realm of Instagram, thanks to God and with the unintentional intervention of several types of filters and covers and other nonsense, become beautiful, stylish, fit, oh, young, and so on. There have even been cases where some users who entered Instagram looking like peeled celery suddenly, after posting their first post, have been referred to as outstanding by Mrs. Kim Kardashian thanks to the Lord. According to further studies from the 'Amar' center in Iran, the number of likes on such posts is so high that even some non-experts try to attract likes by stuffing nightgowns and blankets into their susceptible spots, but unfortunately, as the poet says: either do not befriend 'Kim' workers / or however you feel comfortable, but slowly! According to the same reports, one of the achievements of the beautiful users on Iranian Instagram is that when one sees some posts, they unfortunately still cannot understand whether the user in question is male or female? For this reason, the age of addiction in the country is decreasing day by day, while the age of gender recognition of users is increasing day by day, and there have even been cases where the user themselves, after a while, has become unable to identify their own gender and keeps inviting other users in private messages to visit the relevant place for gender identification and further acquaintance. With these considerations, the question arises: after the filtering of Instagram, who will be responsible for this wave of beauty and the desire for beauty among Iranians? The End of the Era of Insulters? According to the aforementioned report from the 'Amar' center, the warm, enthusiastic, and spontaneous presence of Instagram insulters under all relevant and irrelevant posts of this virtual network is one of the most important factors in reducing the use of insults in the real world. According to an unpublished ranking, the use of insults containing 'kaf' on Instagram scores 3 points, non-'kaf' insults containing 'kaf' concepts score 2 points, and giving titles without 'kaf' but sufficiently humiliating to the audience also brings 1 point for users in the national ranking of insulters. The way users engage is also different according to studies conducted. Some users engage with the post owner directly, insulting them in such a way that their skin is peeled off. Other users, while not knowing whose post they are commenting on or why, get into fights with other commenters and deliver insults intermittently to their audience. In these cases, even female users have been observed sending their male 'kafs' to others using the first-person singular, showing that 'kaf' items have become a spiritual asset, and how long will attention to materialism last? The result of attempts to clean up problematic comments under one of Instagram's posts! One of the concerns of experts after the filtering of Instagram is that the spiritual 'kafs' of users of this social network, with divine permission, will materialize and take to the streets, and then come and collect it! It is predicted that after this event, insulting users will spread from insulting under blankets to the streets and villages, transforming the environment in such a way that families will ask their children to stuff their used gum into their ears instead of the trash can. Imminent Bankruptcy of Merchants According to the 'Amar' center's report, currently half of Iran's economy is in the hands of the IRGC, and more than half of the rest is in the hands of a few celebrity-like users or Iranian celebrity users. Nowadays, you can find advertisements for the sale, delivery, and installation of various enhancers, volumizers, lifters, relaxers, firmers, warmers, and workout enhancers on Instagram, as well as job announcements for changing the previous regime, continuing the current regime, restoring the glorious era of Imam, and covering up the existing system and elevating the path of martyrs and leaving the rest of the competitors. The payment amounts for posting your advertisement on Instagram vary depending on the quality and quantity of the order, to the extent that some charge in kind while others charge in cash. The in-kind part does not concern us, but we recommend that prevention is better than concealment. However, regarding the cash aspect, it should be noted that the amounts are very significant, and it has been observed that some beloved Iranian cinematic celebrities pass through behind the scenes of a film every 3-4 years but post an advertisement story every 3-4 seconds. Of course, sometimes to prevent the formerly unknown soldiers of Imam Zaman from becoming a nuisance, they have measures to ensure that no problems arise in their transition from celebrity to advertiser. For example, every now and then, they post a photo of martyr Hajji and caption it: 'In the path of defending the love shrine, how good it is / to give your love like you a hundred times.' And of course, to satisfy audiences who, upon reading this verse, remember their hairstyle, they tag their salon's Instagram page to fill several bank accounts with one shot. From the day after the filtering of Instagram (now cursed be it), this volume of the country's economy will be lost and lead to unemployment for these people. In fact, according to studies conducted, after this dark event, two types of unemployment will become prevalent in the country: the unemployment of celebrity merchants and the illness of those who have been employed until now. The unemployment of celebrities has anti-expansion consequences, and the second type of unemployment has skin-related consequences. Iran's Leader Above the Clouds Ready to Be in the Background of Iranian Users' Computers Spontaneously Economists still do not know whether the economic consequences of filtering Instagram are greater, but some experts believe there is no need for concern, and as General Rezaei says, the filtering operation of Instagram is carried out to deceive the enemy, and God willing, when in the next operation the regime takes over the entire internet and, with divine permission, the background of all users' computers is transformed into a picture of Reza Golzar's waist curve and the loving gaze of Sahar Ghoreishi to the sweet smile of the regime's leader, we will understand that not only has the operation not been compromised, but the operation has been carried out on us in such a way that its place will burn for a long time. Ouch!