Why Does Islam Consider Divorce an Absolute Right of Men?

Islam grants the right of divorce to men; an absolute right of divorce. Women can also request divorce under certain conditions and only by proving severe familial distress referred to as 'Osr and Harj', but the absolute right of divorce is one that Islam has assigned to men. Critics and gender equality activists ask why? If women and men are equal in the eyes of God and in Islam, and if the talk is about justice, why should the right of divorce be solely in the hands of men? Mehrangiz Kar, a lawyer and former judiciary attorney who has followed cases including divorce in Iranian courts for years, and Hojjatoleslam Mohammad Ali Elahi, an Imam and founder of the Islamic Dar al-Hekma in America, discuss the taboo surrounding these questions. We begin this week's discussion with Mr. Elahi because I want to ask before we delve into the details, why has Islam deemed divorce as undesirable? Mohammad Ali Elahi: Naturally, there are doctrinal, rational, and practical reasons for this. Islam emphasizes marriage and reducing divorce cases. The family unit, which is the center of love, affection, trust, respect, and responsibility, is considered by the Prophet to be the closest human and social organization in the eyes of God. Divorce, on the other hand, means the destruction of this family unit and causes psychological and social harm, especially to children if they are involved, and to society. For these reasons, marriage is the most favored human institution in our traditions, while divorce, although permissible, is still considered detestable in the eyes of God. Ms. Kar, what do you think the reason is? Given that Mr. Elahi described the family unit in Islam as one of love and trust, we see inequality in many legal matters, including divorce. Mehrangiz Kar: We also believe that divorce leads to emotional distress for both the woman and the man. I was a lawyer in Iran for 22 years and witnessed the moments of divorce where both individuals who were estranged from each other were deeply affected. The aftermath also includes children of divorce, but this does not mean that we should consider divorce undesirable in every situation. This is where we enter the realm of rights, and in Muslim-majority countries, when I enter the legal field, it seems that Islam does not regard the dissatisfaction of women in marriage as important since it has deemed divorce an absolute right of men. From this perspective, we have criticism. Mr. Elahi, Ms. Kar has opened the topic to the point where we can ask why Islam has assigned the right of divorce to men? If women and men are equal in the eyes of God and in Islam, why should the fate of the marriage contract, which is a bilateral agreement, be solely in the hands of one party, the man? Mohammad Ali Elahi: The conditions within the marriage contract show that there is flexibility in Islam. The law regarding the conditions within the marriage contract in Iran is based on the jurisprudential interpretations of scholars. However, fundamentally, the right of divorce has been granted to men, and I agree that social and economic conditions have changed now, and if both women and men work, then they should also be equal in responsibilities and rights. The problem is that both in the past and present, individuals and families may misuse this. I believe that in traditional marriages where divorce was much less common, there was more peace in families. Elahi: We must consider the balance between responsibilities and authorities here. In Islam, men are responsible for financial matters, paying the dowry, child support, and related responsibilities. However, this authority does not mean that a man has the right to cause harm in life. The Quran emphasizes 'treat them kindly'. Justice, love, and support for the family is a responsibility that falls on men. The Prophet himself said that the best of you are those who are best in family relations. However, this does not mean that women are not equal to men, as we must also look at traditions and see that Adam and Eve complement each other. 'Whoever does good, whether male or female...' However, from one perspective, there is also the issue of stability in life. Islam sought to create guarantees that life would continue as much as possible. Even in America, we have statistics showing that 69% of divorces are initiated by women, while only 31% are initiated by men. Perhaps this is due to the greater sensitivity women have in emotional matters. Therefore, the legislator's view in Islam has been to save life as much as possible and protect it from emotional and sentimental storms. Interestingly, one of my Jewish friends, who is a leader of one of the synagogues here, told me that the flexibility regarding women's rights in divorce in Islam is much greater than in other religious laws. He told me that men have the right to divorce their wives for any reason, even without reason, such as saying dinner was not tasty, or that he found a woman more beautiful than his wife. Here we see that Islam places many responsibilities on men and cannot undermine justice with trivial excuses. I think in Iran, because the conditions of women in marriage are fully accepted, this has actually become more of a problem for men than for women. That is, women are granted the right to divorce and can live and study wherever they want, and if divorced, they can keep the children without the father's permission. Now the issue has reached a point where many young people are worried about getting married. In Iran, most divorces are actually registered at the request of women, Mr. Elahi. You spoke about economic issues. There are official statistics showing that many women are the heads of families despite having husbands. Those who are not manage their lives alongside their husbands. Regarding the stability of life, which you mentioned, perhaps the question arises: does Islam consider women to be less stable in life? I don't know, perhaps Ms. Kar would like to provide us with a practical response based on her experiences. Kar: Well, you cannot ignore social changes in legislation. However, when they say that the legislator has enacted laws and that one cannot legislate over the laws of the legislator, then of course, events occur that Mr. Elahi referred to. The reason is the blockage that has been created in reforming laws under the pretext that these laws are Islamic. Many women have gone to university. Many women have become employed and have income, and many families - not all of them - manage their lives with two incomes, that is, the income of the woman and the income of the man. These are called social changes. In these social changes, one cannot say that the woman is a producer and the man is a consumer. Therefore, the theory of balance that he partially mentioned, and apparently his intention is that rights should correspond with responsibilities, no longer aligns with today's conditions. And as for the claim that now the problem is with men, it may be somewhat true. Why? Because the law you are promoting and legitimizing no longer meets the needs of society. When it does not meet the needs of society, people like us seek solutions and find that the way is completely closed to us. We promoted the conditions within the marriage contract. Mr. Elahi's reference is to the conditions within the marriage contract in the discussion he initiated. Well, the conditions within the marriage contract are compensatory, not law, but as the number of people in society who are dissatisfied with existing laws increases, they seek the conditions within the marriage contract and for example, the absolute right of divorce is given to women. Yes, it is completely disproportionate to what exists in Islam and entirely contradicts the Islamic directive that a woman cannot leave the house without her husband's consent! Why can't the right of divorce be changed? Now, if it has come in the Quran, I know it has; ultimately, scholars must think about it. Saying that, for example, in the Jewish religion, their situation is worse than this does not help us. Our religion and our Prophet were supposed to be the seal of the prophets. Mr. Elahi, I know you want to respond to Ms. Kar... Well, would you like to hear your response first? Then we will return and I have a question for you. Elahi: Yes. All of these points that Ms. Kar mentioned regarding the conditions within the marriage contract show that there is flexibility in Islam. That is, the law regarding the conditions within the marriage contract in Iran is based on the jurisprudential interpretations of scholars. However, fundamentally, this right has been granted to men, and I agree that social and economic conditions have changed now, and if both women and men work and are indeed partners in everything, then it is correct that they should also share responsibilities and rights equally. However, the problem is that both in the past and present, individuals and families may misuse this, but overall, I think that in traditional marriages where divorce was much less common, there was more peace in families, and I am concerned that with these new changes, family stability may decrease. That is, while women's freedoms and rights increase, but...