Why Does Islam Recognize Polygamy 'For Men'?

Why is polygamy for men recognized in Islam, and what arguments support this? How can one speak of the high status of women in Islam while also considering men's polygamy as legal? Is the legality of men's polygamy in line with the current state of Iranian society? Hojjatoleslam Mohammad Ali Elahi, Imam and founder of Dar al-Hekmah Islamic Center in Michigan, and Azadeh Davachi, a women's rights activist, discuss these issues. Ms. Davachi, let's start with you: why does Islam have such laws regarding men's polygamy and recognizes it? Azadeh Davachi: I believe it stems from a patriarchal perspective where the man is the core of the family, and the woman is defined only in the shadow of the man, with women somehow following them and being a part of the family. The patriarchal view in Islam allows men to have multiple wives. Mr. Elahi, what is your opinion? Mohammad Ali Elahi: I don't think so. Before Islam, there was the era of ignorance with various forms of marriage, such as temporary marriages or collective marriages, and many immoral unions. Islam came and prohibited those animalistic sexual relations, rejecting the harems of ignorance and their unlimited and oppressive marriages, and in an exceptional condition, it limited the number of wives, which at that time had no calculation for needing a second wife, giving this issue a new form under fair conditions. Mohammad Ali Elahi: You speak of the ignorant sexual relations before Islam and the concept of temporary marriage, stating that Islam entered in favor of women and regulated men's polygamy, but the issue is that perhaps before Islam, women had more sexual freedom. Elahi: This polygamy is not a right given to men; it is actually a right for women, meaning it was brought to serve them and free them from the conditions they faced at that time - the loneliness of women, the hunger of women, the slavery of women, the prostitution of women - to defend women, not for the enjoyment of men. If the goal was men's enjoyment, Islam would have prescribed the same Western versions. In our own city, Michigan, 60% of children are fatherless. This is not a service to men; it is a service to women, and prohibiting it is oppression and injustice to women. Ms. Davachi, Mr. Elahi believes that polygamy is for the salvation and liberation of women. Do you agree with this? Davachi: No, I completely disagree because polygamy is fundamentally based on the nature of men; its focus is that men can have multiple wives because their instincts and nature are insatiable and must be limited. However, women want a protective umbrella, and it defines an essentialist view that justifies polygamy as good for women. The law has never been in favor of women. Research has shown that in these families, the rate of divorce and emotional issues is much higher. Elahi: Let me finish, Ms. Azadeh. My point is not that we encourage polygamy. We know that both in Islam and Christianity, the basis of family is one man and one woman, and this is also breaking down in the Western world. What I mean is that considering the social conditions that exist, the statistics of women - the latest statistics say there are 50 million more women in the world than men - and that in wars and accidents, men suffer more casualties and have a shorter lifespan than women. Sometimes, for humanitarian reasons, more than one wife has been allowed, not to serve someone's lust but to transform lust into chastity. This is more of a kindness to women than to men. Mr. Elahi, I want to ask you whether the life and conduct of the Prophet Muhammad and his multiple marriages have not influenced the law of polygamy, making it seem natural, and now you say it is for the benefit of women? Elahi: This question is very important. This issue is always raised about the Prophet. Firstly, those who exaggerate this issue about the Prophet never talk about how in the Torah, Solomon had 700 wives, but they mention the Prophet having 9 or 11 wives, while the text of the Torah states he had 700 official wives and 300 unofficial ones, totaling over 1000 wives. However, they constantly talk about the Prophet's marriages... Perhaps because Solomon's 700 wives have not been used to establish family laws in any country in the world. Elahi: In any case, within the Jewish and Christian communities, no one doubts that this issue is not prohibited in the Torah and the Bible. Now the law has come and prohibited it, but in the meantime, all the emphasis and attack is on the life of the Prophet. The Prophet's marriages were all based on moral, security, and political issues, to prevent wars and to take care of women who no one would marry - whose husbands were killed in battles or during migration. A Prophet who was 25 years old married a 40-year-old widow and lived with her for 25 years, and after the death of Khadijah, the Prophet remained single for three years. My point is not that it has not had an impact; of course, it is good to take the Prophet's life as a model. Ms. Davachi, Mr. Elahi constantly emphasizes that the entire discussion of men's polygamy is focused on the fact that there are women who need a guardian or that there are more women than men. Do you think women need a guardian? Women today in Iranian society, who in many cases are more educated than men or a large number of women despite discrimination are working. Do you think this argument works today? Davachi: Certainly not. The perspective that says women outnumber men and must marry is a very regressive view because many women do not want to marry. Many of these women are independent; they neither need a protective umbrella nor an emotional umbrella. Socially and economically, they are so advanced, so engaged in work that they have no need for a man to be beside them. At that time, women had to, if their husbands died in war, they had no identity; their identity was defined only in relation to men, and therefore they had to go under the shadow of another man. Elahi: You see, Ms. Azadeh, this is not general. Women have also become educated, have jobs, earn income, and do not need to marry. Another issue is that even if someone is wealthy, is a university professor - for example, I have seen women who are university professors and have no material needs, but now, from a spiritual perspective, loneliness is painful for them - I want to ask you a question, Mr. Elahi. Is this loneliness more painful than her being the second or third wife of another man? Elahi: Not in all circumstances. But it may be that if our values, that culture of sacrifice and selflessness existed in our society, these problems would be solved. For this reason, a university professor who says, 'I am 55 years old and have lost my husband; do you know anyone who wants to marry me?' is suffering from something, and it is clear that she is upset. Mr. Elahi, many men around the world also live in loneliness and depression. Does this loneliness justify men's polygamy for women? Elahi: In any case, we encourage family issues. The Quran says that forming a family creates a center of peace, companionship, and affection. Davachi: Being alone as a woman does not solve the problem by becoming the second wife of a man who ruins someone else's life. The first wife is also a woman with feelings and relationships, and the problem actually multiplies. We cannot use such a justification for the fact that this woman feels lonely. The argument that you make that a man should take a second wife to help and support another woman is, in my opinion, a fallacious issue and is very rare. It is impossible for a man to marry just to help and support a woman. My other question in this context would be who said women need help? And why do we reduce marriage, a relationship between a woman and a man - which we are discussing here - to help? Does a woman marry a man to receive help? Davachi: Exactly. You see, the definition of family has completely changed. My son and I can be a family now. A man with his child becomes a family. Two women can become a family together. This is the definition of family in modern society. Elahi: Look, if we are talking about now, all the values and family virtues that have been destroyed and the foundation of the family is in ruins. Davachi: In your view, the foundation of the family is changing, but I see these as societal changes and do not consider it a collapse. In Iran, there are laws that are not defined according to the needs of today's society and are still ineffective laws like polygamy. On one hand, Iranian society is changing in connection with the outside world through virtual networks, and on the other hand, something else is presented to the people inside Iran. Elahi: This change is not positive. Mr. Elahi, regardless of how positive or negative the changes that have occurred are, family in Islam and in Iranian family laws is placed at the center and gains fundamental and central importance. But the question is how can the very freedom of men's polygamy, independent of women's rights and human dignity, harm the institution of family? Elahi: If it harms, it contradicts the intention of the legislator. So let me ask this: under what conditions does it not harm? Elahi: In conditions where that culture of faith and mutual friendship prevails. Of course, if individuals want to be selfish and approach issues with jealousy and do not care that I have a wife, I don’t care about anybody else. If we look at it this way, that it does not matter to us that there are people who are in need, whether materially or spiritually. If we discuss this issue in a moral and faith-based dimension, then it makes sense. Can believing men in Islam think as you say that there are men in the world who have financial needs, sexual needs, emotional needs, and we allow our wives to have relationships with those men? Elahi: Do you mean to say that women should also be allowed to have multiple husbands? I did not say that women 'should' also have multiple husbands. I said if you are going to measure selfishness or bring such factors into the equation and say if women do not think this way, men's polygamy cannot be problematic, on the other hand, permissions are given to men to control women, for what is referred to in Iran as 'jealousy'. Elahi: When we look at this issue, we must consider the historical differences, the natural and psychological differences between men and women. For example, let us assume that if we were to behave like in the time of ignorance with group marriages or polyandry, the first issue would be the children. Someone might say that now we have DNA and we can determine which child belongs to which father, that would be terrifying. A new era would begin. Therefore, when we talk about polygamy and men, it is something that has happened historically, but Islam said not 700, not 1000, and limited it to a maximum of 4 with thousands of conditions that, for example, must be fair... Davachi: They again consider the inherent characteristics of women and men, meaning they say women are different from men, but these differences should not be the basis for discrimination. Unfortunately, in Iran, these differences have led to discrimination. If it is bad for one, it is bad for both, and if it is good for one, it is good for both. Since this issue has been raised several times in the program, I must say that there are various intellectual groups that fundamentally disagree with something called feminine or masculine essence and only consider biological differences. Several times, the issue of justice has been mentioned, both by Ms. Davachi and Mr. Elahi. What is this justice referred to in Surah An-Nisa and Surah Al-Ahzab? Elahi: The issue of justice is a religious principle discussed in verse 3 of Surah An-Nisa, which states that if you even fear that there will be injustice in a second marriage to a woman, then stick to one wife. In this verse, the issue of fear is mentioned twice, and justice is mentioned three times [with the title that] if you can establish justice, and if not, if you want to know how much God loves you, you should know how just you are. Therefore, in the matter of remarriage, the discussion is about justice; now this justice is in housing, justice in clothing, justice in spending and daily expenses, justice in meeting the needs of women and men. Mr. Elahi, here the question arises - perhaps Ms. Davachi also wants to discuss it - that granting this superiority to men over women, does it not imply a form of subordination of women? Davachi: Exactly. When I say this stems from a patriarchal perspective, this is exactly my point. The man is defined as the head and leader of the family, and the woman is subordinate, a follower, and someone who does not have her own identity.